-Sure, we’re at a loss every Saturday trying to figure out what to play. I’m sure you have the perfect song to capture the mood and make the night a success. Oh please, please, turn us on to your wisdom so we can please the masses. We’re lost without your input.

CAN YOU PLAY SOME HIP-HOP???

-No, sorry, we only throw down the gospel shiznit. If we wanted to play hip-hop, don’t you think we would be playing it? However, yes- we will and have been playing Hip-Hop. But you need to understand that this is a nightclub, it is NOT Jay Z’s living room. We play music to please everyone. This includes House, hip-hop and progressive house. Dont be a bone head and come up to the DJ booth and, after just finishing a hip-hop set, say, “Can you play some hip-hop? Nobody likes techno!”

CAN YOU STOP PLAYING TECHNO???

-ok, ENOUGH with calling ALL music that incorporates synthesizers and is above 120 BPM “Techno.” In the history of our Saturday Night Dance parties, we have played *MAYBE* 5 techno songs. House is NOT techno. Techno is NOT Hip-Hop. Chicken is NOT steak. Progressive house is NOT techno!!

CAN I (WE) TALK ON THE MICROPHONE???

-YES, we really feel like the music needs some drunk-ass shouting ‘wave your hands in the air, wave ‘em like you just don’t care!’ Man, you got some skills on the mic!

CAN YOU PLAY SOMETHING THAT I (WE) CAN DANCE TO???

-This is pretty much the ultimate “I’m an idiot” question to ask a DJ and is, by far, the most common thing every DJ has been asked. What do you say to that? “Um, no, I can’t play anything you can dance to. I’m all about laying down some hardcore new age ambient shit, you feel me?” Not to mention, you are at one of the biggest dance clubs in the state with a packed dance floor EVERY WEEK!! If you arent dancing, its because you are choosing not to. Its NOT becasue the DJ’s are playing bad music!

BUT EVERYBODY WANTS TO HEAR IT!!!

-No they don’t. You and maybe a few of your friends want to hear it. If it is a very popular song, of course we’re going to play it and of course *ALOT* of people want to hear it. But do not come to the DJ’s with some weird ass request and say, “But everyone wants to hear it!”

BUT EVERYONE WILL DANCE IF YOU PLAY IT!!!

-Everybody already is dancing ding bat!

THIS MUSIC SUCKS. NOBODY CAN DANCE TO THIS!!!

-Before saying this, PLEASE look out in the crowd. because chances are, there are 500 people on the dance floor. Just because YOU cant dance to this or just because YOU arent dancing, doesnt mean that other people arent enjoying themselves.

CAN YOU PLAY IT AGAIN? I (WE) JUST GOT HERE???

-NO. Period. Club DJ’s do not repeat music. (purposely anyway).

IS THIS THE ONLY MUSIC YOU GUYS PLAY??

-NO. Now, disappear.

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THE BOTTOM LINE-

Night club DJ’s gets very little RESPECT. They are expected to play everything for everybody. It is impossible to satisfy all of the people all of the time, yet club DJs are expected to do just that. If a radio DJ tells his listeners a song is a hit, the majority of the people figure it must be “Because they say so on the radio.” However 80% of the time that same song was being played in a club long before radio DISCOVERED the NEW song.

So give the DJ a break! The next time you request a song, stop and THINK before you speak.

And above all….if the DJ has one hand on the mixing board, one hand on the turntable, and the headphones on….LEAVE HIM THE F ALONE!!!!!